Monday, February 4, 2013


    Sorry folks, this isn't a funny post...although it's written about one of the funniest people I've ever known. 
    I was unaware of MANY things until the last few years or so. I understand now..matters that were a puzzlement, and am finally at peace with old questions never answered.  Strangely, I was filled in by someone who is gone from my life. Someone who finally admitted, they had used me, and were quite interested in my destruction.

      J.Ross Hyman. I think you know this...My daddy, who you so admired, who you were inexplicably scared to meet...loved you.  And you taught me to never give up.  Through both of you, I learned what courage really IS.

       Look...we give those we love what they need.  This was never a secret really...more like an obsessive fear. I was always afraid of betraying a trust, never WAS in the loop concerning his professional doings, and still not all that interested.

      Jeff wanted me to see precisely what he showed me.  He did not want to be pitied. Given the hand he was's understandable.
      I do know these things NOW,
but somehow, can't abide the thought of someone I care about...being gawked at without deserved admiration.       
    I'm sure there are folks who are not pleased about the union (no clue why it would bother ANYONE)...but we can't change our pasts to suit others. I feel quite protective still...but have nothing to be ashamed of. 
    Love is not shameful (unless of course you happen to love the Lambada). If there are those who don't approve because they didn't know...sorry for the discomfort. Here's what they'd like to know. Five plus years. OK? Now you know.
       The relationship, however, is a matter of interest only to myself and most likely those who cared about him. Or me. I 'd certainly like THOSE people to know, he was able to create...what he'd always yearned for. I simply followed. 

           YES I can say the God FORBID...the forbidden name now. Still, I will keep your tender secrets close to my heart and your memory in the hearts of those who truly loved you. Many of whom you'd never met. 
      Do you think that our lives are a series of random happenings?  They are not. 
My old friend...wherever he may be lurking, became more than pleased with events....I'm quite sure he orchestrated...
      I can still distinctly hear that voice..."sh**,navarrd...awrrright...guess i gotta pick one OUT for ya?? that LAST one was a piece a fu**in' CR**." 

      And so he did. He chose a man who lived 5000 miles away.  A man who'd never been outside of his country. A man who'd be unlikely to run into ME, by golly.  Thank you my darling husband Jeremy. You selflessly kept me afloat when the horrors came down. Your love did not falter for even a moment.
 JEFF.  You just listen to ME now. YOU ALWAYS KNEW
From time to time during the traffic of mankind, a soldier appears.
One who never leaves the field of battle no matter the cost.
One who carries others upon already burdened shoulders. 

Never measuring their time or love.
A balancing act gracefully performed. 
With an optimistic unstoppable HEART. 
I am truly sorry Jeffry. I always felt I'd let you down. 

  Real love NEVER dies. It remains. It renews. We begin again.
      Funny...I never spoke publicly and rarely privately about this for GOD...just over 20 something years. I felt protective of that relationship and secretive because HE did.  I'm sure those who know me and/or knew him would have found the thought of our alliance amusingly unlikely. On the face of it.. it sure as heck WAS...yet we were almost frighteningly alike. I've feels OK talking about Jeff now, and I hope that descriptions of his singular nature have helped some through their own difficult paths.
     If you don't know what I'm nattering on about...GOOD. Trust're not missing a thing.
     If you DO know...and have honest and caring questions... glad to answer. You may leave me a message, and tell me where to call you.
     If you're a nice person...honestly...I don't mind. These things brought untenable and lacerating grief for a time I thought would NEVER end.

       SO...exactly HOW could descriptions of Jeff help ANYONE?

        Because he was an astonishingly courageous and inspiring person who gave selflessly,almost everything that was IN him.


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