WHY I LIVE IN FL

WHY I LIVE IN FL # 3

WHY IS THE DONALD HERE? WHY?

WHY on earth would Donald think I might be

his Next Apprentice?

In his infinite wisdom, he wants me to PROVE it

to him.

Donald will soon cotton to the fact that

Vardz is not Apprentice material.

I'm very sorry sir. I'm afraid I will not be albe to concentrateon your earnest Donald speeches.  At least not without unintended laughter bursting out o' me...along with the glob of chicken salad I just stuck in my mouth.

Could be staring at your hair in an uncomfortable way, too.

No Sir.

You would yell at me.

I would burst into tears.

This would not end well.
I know NOW is the time, and i sure DO live in Vero Beach, and it was awful nice of you to ask and all, but..
HEY. WHY ARE YOU HERE? Donald? DONALD???

WHY I LIVE IN FL. # 2

COURSE DR. **** is taking his time.

Just LOOK at him... 

HE'S TAKING HIS TIME ON THE TENNIS COURT, BY GOLLY.

Yes indeedy HE IS...and THIS IS WHY WE'VE BEEN CROUCHING IN HIS WAITING ROOM, for a good three hours.
AND we're being hypnotized by conveniently placed copies of that right wing Nazi rag "Woman's Circle".
AND the good DR. is out there practicing his record breaking overhand serve, which will SERVE to lob THAT INFLATED BILL OF HIS, into our laps. Look how he's brandishing the raquet!
WHAT MARKETING GENIUS THOUGHT THIS AD WAS A SWELL IDEA??

WHY I LIVE IN FL #1

     Ok, did ANYONE observe the passing of lil' Mr. Houghtaling this past year? GOOD GOD y'all, dontcha have an INKLING? This is the MAN. The man who invented the MAGIC FINGERS BED. The quarter driven deity which brought exhausted no tell/motel dwellers 15 minutes of "tingling relaxation and ease". The man who invented the VIBRATING MATTRESS for goodness sake. The man who (most pertinently), lived right down the street from me. yup. WHY didn't i KNOW this?

     I could have made pilgrimages, and performed bowings and scrapings. SHEESH. Allright..listen UP. This is a big, huge, Nostradamus-like marker. It's the begining of the end of western civilization. Sure as shootin' IS. Welll....this, and that bad, bad painful snatching of our inherent right to smoke a fag (during the downing of as many cocktails as we could possibly pour down our gullets) IN the plane. DAMMMMM.