Why IS THE DONALD HERE?   

                   WHY on earth would Donald think I might be

his Next Apprentice?

In his infinite wisdom,  he wants me to PROVE it

to him.  Donald will soon cotton to the fact that

Vardz is not Apprentice material.

     COURSE'  DR. **** is taking his time. HE'S TAKING HIS TIME ON THE TENNIS COURT, BY GOLLY.

Yes indeedy he IS...and that's why we've been crouching in his waiting room for a good three hours...being hypnotized by copies of that right wing Nazi rag... "Woman's Circle".

     AND he's practicing his record breaking overhand serve, which will SERVE to lob that inflated BILL of his, directly in our laps.

     What marketing GENIUS thought this AD was a swell idea?    

WHY I LIVE IN FLORIDA - #1

Ok, did ANYONE observe the passing of lil' Mr. Houghtaling this past year?  GOOD GOD y'all, dontcha  have an INKLING?  This is the MAN. The man who invented the MAGIC FINGERS BED. The quarter driven deity which brought exhausted no tell/motel dwellers 15 minutes of "tingling relaxation and ease". The man who invented the VIBRATING MATTRESS for goodness sake. The man who (most pertinently),  lived right down the street from me.  yup.  WHY didn't i KNOW this? 
    I could have made pilgrimages, and performed bowings and scrapings.  SHEESH.   Allright..listen UP. This is a big, huge, Nostradamus-like marker. It's the begining of the end of western civilization. Sure as shootin' IS. Welll....this, and that bad, bad painful snatching of our inherent right to smoke a fag (during the downing of as many cocktails as we could possibly pour down our gullets) IN the plane.  DAMMMMM.